Music!

Helloooo....

Although one of the main reasons I want to lose weight is for my health, another VERY important reason is because of my music/singing. I want to reflect a good image - a healthy image. I will never be Brittany Spears thin, but I want to be on the low end of plus-sized modeling type of body structure. This will help me feel energetic on stage, confident both in front of people and when talking to them and representing myself as a singer, and more flexible in photo shoots and promotional materials.

I sang on Thursday night at "The Opera House" in Toronto. It felt SO AMAZING being on stage again. My acoustic guitar player was fantastic, as was my hand-drummer...we sounded good, and I know it. The industry reps really liked my voice, but they encouraged me to perform more, write some more songs that could be hits, and (after I mentioned the losing weight journey I am on), agreed that image is really important as well.

I've posted a few pictures of the gig.

I realized that this year has to be very very focused. i am pretty much the biggest procrastinator and chill person out there. I CAN work hard, and I have all my life in SOME aspects. But sometimes, when i have time off, it's hard for me to get into "work" mode, rather than "relax" mode. So....I have to really focus on writing music and losing weight. It really helps me when i write things down, I've found. Lists, of sorts. Then if they are not crossed off, I realize I haven't done what I needed to do in that day or week.

I really really really want to go somewhere with my music. There are SO many things I'd be good at. I could be a teacher, I could get into aesthetics, I could get into marketing or advertising. I'm smart, I'm pretty, I'm outgoing, I'm generally good with people. And I could make good money doing any of those things. HOWEVER...what I REALLY and TRULY want is to travel with my music. To be on Ellen and Oprah and Much Music. To travel the world and do gigs with a fantastic amazing band and fans loving and connecting with me and my music. And to sing a duet with Michael Buble (watch - it will happen).

I have to at least try. If when I turn 30 (in 2 years) it has not happened, and no one has caught on to my music, and industry reps are not interested still, after I have the fan base, an amazing album, and the performing experience.....I will step back and decide if this is what i really want.

But I have this sneaking suspicion about two things: 1. If I don't try with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength this year, I will always regret it and wonder if I could've been something great. And 2. If I DO put everything I have into it this year, it WILL go somewhere and i won't be disappointed.

Gig tonight - down 12.2 pounds!

Well, I just wanted to let you all know that I'm performing at a showcase tonight in Toronto, and it's the first time I've really performed in a LONG WHILE. Last year was a real write-off for a lot of things, including my drive to do music. Tonight I'll be singing 5 original songs, and plus one of my favourite covers, "Summertime".

I'm VERY nervous, but even MORE excited. I feel good about myself (remember how I didn't want to weigh in the other day? It turns out, I'm down 12.2 pounds total! yay!), and I feel good about my music. I have a ton more energy, which I'll write to you about in another post.

I am also feeling a twinge of sadness that my mom and dad aren't here to share in my excitement. So many times over the last week or so I've gone to call my mom and then realized...she is not there. It is hard...and it's also disappointing feeling like everything "happy" in life, every achievement, every milestone, every excitement...will be tinged with some sadness because I'm missing them and wishing they were here to share in it.

Tonight..this is for you, Mom and Dad. I know you're smiling down on me...oh-so-proud.

xo - andrea

Off-track

Oh brother. Well, last week was a bit of a write-off. I only had time to workout once, I didn't feel like eating at all, and it was just a hard week. Still no battery for my scale, so since I didn't go weigh-in with my program counselor, I don't know if I've lost or gained or stayed the same, but I FEEL pretty good this week, so I'm guessing I've maintained.

I DID go kickboxing last night - there was barely anyone there last night since it was a "holiday" (Family Day), but I did tell a very cute guy that he had really really nice arms. It was the first time I've ever seen him smile!

I will keep you posted! Sorry for being off-track. I better get my butt in gear. The second month of 2010 is over half-way done!

xo - andrea

I'm SO FREAKING PROUD OF MYSELF!!

Okay - so I did it!!! I was SOOO disappointed on Monday because I had gained 0.2 pounds over the weekend instead of losing some. But I lost 3 pounds from Monday til Wednesday, and then another 0.8 from Wednesday to today! I am now past my first 10 pounds=) I've lost a total of 10.8 pounds in 4 weeks!!!!

ONLY 89.2 pounds left to lose this year! (Sounds much better than 100, doesn't it???)

It's a nice healthy pace and I feel better. I am going kickboxing again tonight!

YAAAAAAAY. Now all that hard work measuring pecans for a serving of fat and cooking CONSTANTLY to get enough protein feels WORTH IT!

Oh - and remember how I told you my sister said I'd probably meet my husband at the gym? Well I'm not sure if I met my husband (hard to know after two sentences), but I had a really really sweet and nice run-in with a guy who just kept SMILING at me as I was leaving the gym. He was warm and sweet. We'll see if I ever bump into him again!

xo - andrea

PS. How is everyone doing on their health journey in 2010? If you haven't started, NOW IS THE TIME. What are you waiting for??

Disappointed

Well it's been almost a week since I last wrote. Last night, a friend said, "When are you going to write another blog??" so I realized that if she was missing them, I'm sure MILLIONS (no exaggeration) of people are as well. =)

Why am I disappointed? I'm disappointed because I was so rushed on the weekend constantly, that I not only DID NOT lose any weight, but I gained 0.2 lbs. Now, 0.2 lbs is like....a gulp or two of water....but when you compare it to the fact that I wanted to LOSE 2-3 pounds, it was disappointing.

I didn't go kickboxing on Friday because I went to enjoy a friend's play, and I don't regret it (had a very fun night!) but it was WAY too easy to justify not going on Monday, either, because I was so exhausted from the weekend. Am I really getting older in the way that I can't just stay up til 4:30am (which I did Friday night) and catch up in one day? Cause I think I JUST caught up, and it's Wednesday.

My weakness: CHEESE. I think that's what's doing it, too. I gotta start weighing it. SO EASY to justify how big the piece is that I cut off.

There are times during the week where I'm home alone (if I'm home, I'm alone, cause I live by myself!), and I am cooking something healthful, and thinking, "Wow....I am such a loser. I don't go ANYWHERE during the week!" But then I remember that this year is for ME. If I had a husband and kids to care for right now, this journey would be all the more exhausting and tough. I'd also have built-in accountability people (kids are always the most honest!), but that's what my program counselors are there for.

SO - I weigh in again today. I'm back on track now from my few days of detour. I didn't eat cake or cookies or anything, but it was all the little extras like not measuring salad dressing or counting it as a fat, and eating too much starch (I think it was the WHITE RICE and the WRAP that did me in!)

And I AM GOING KICKBOXING TONIGHT. No excuses. And I know I'm going to be much happier afterwards. I will fall into bed exhausted and still feel that elated feeling that always comes from working out, and I'll feel proud of myself.

However, on a more upbeat note, I am happy to report that I watched "The Biggest Loser" and ate a PEAR while doing it instead of the fries or chips or cookies or ice cream I used to eat while watching it. That made it a much happier and less guilty experience for me.

I will keep you posted (which is what blogging and following a blog is all about, I suppose!). I want my next title not to be in the "Disappointed" category, but more in the "I'm SO FREAKING PROUD OF MYSELF" category.

Okay - so...I'm back on track. Keep sending me emails and comments: I LOVE THEM. They encourage me, and make me realize that 1. I'm not alone in this fight and 2. People are proud of me and 3. People are actually reading this and I'm not sending this blog off into a world of computer nothingness, never to be seen by anyone.

xo - andrea

Daddy

Two years ago today, I decided to take my dad out for his 60th birthday. And I wanted to make it good. We didn't spend a whole lot of time together alone (my brother and dad were closer and I chatted and hung out with my mom more often), so I wanted to take him out on a "date". We went to the Keg for dinner and then went to see STOMP (a very cool show that you should definitely go see if you get the chance). We had a really good time.

Today, I am deeply greatful that we did that. Last year on January 7th, my dad passed away....20 days before his 61st birthday.

Today would've been his 62nd.

My Facebook status today is: "daddy, i went kickboxing for your birthday and kicked butt. you would be so proud. i miss you with all my heart."

And by the way - I did kick butt at kickboxing tonight. It was amaaaazing and I think about 3 of the instructors complimented me on my form and how hard and solid my punches were. I also went into the boxing ring to "fight" but this guy just had padding on his head and a few other areas, and just let us punch him and I HATED IT. I am WAY TOO NICE TO PUNCH PEOPLE. In fact, I only punched about 1/4 of how hard I really do throw 'em with that poor guy in the ring. I looked into his eyes and he looked so beat upon and I just...wow I could never be a boxer!

The only other time I actually punched a person was when I was playing soccer when I was about 7 years old. My dad was my coach, and this kid was teasing me (probably about being chubby, because that is pretty much the only thing kids bugged me about in those days). So I punched him. He went crying to his mommy (I hope he grew out of that!), and she came over and said to my dad (the Coach), "You better talk to your daughter". So my dad pulled me aside, bent down on his knee (cause I wasn't 5'11" then like I am now!), and "talked to his daughter". He said, "Good girl, Andrea!" I smile when I think about that because he ALWAYS wanted me to succeed, to stand up for myself, to be confident....to punch people when they deserved it.

My dad would also give us money and say, "Don't tell Mom". He was cute.

And that is how I feel tonight. I wanted to just honour him because I know that even though sometimes he and I butt heads, it was usually because he was telling me something I didn't want to hear but it was also usually him wanting to see me succeed. He just didn't always say it in the way that worked the best with me.

But....he wanted me to reach the stars, hold onto them, and let them carry me towards every single thing I ever desired in life: confidence, health, a thinner body, a husband and family, and music.

And now I am reaching for those stars. Sometimes it feels like a big stretch, but I'm doing it, and one day will grab hold of them. And I KNOW he'd be so proud. In fact, I think in heaven he's allowed to look down and see all of this...so let me rephrase and say that I KNOW HE IS PROUD.

He'd say, "Good girl, Andrey".

Happy birthday, Daddy. I love and miss you.

xo - andrea

Jeans, Water, Kickboxing, Music!

I have to admit...I feel good. I have had SO much support in the last few days since posting my initial blog that I am on a natural high!

I have 4 things I want to share tonight.

1. Jeans

I wore jeans for the FIRST TIME today in about...wow....I don't know...a few months! They have been too tight for too long and today I wore them! And they felt good! (I could actually breathe). I love that feeling. Can't wait til my "skinny jeans" fit in about 70 lbs from now haha.


2. Water

I bought a glass jug (rather than plastic...many plastics have harsh chemicals in them and therefore soak into your water and you drink the chemicals into your system) from a water place, and it has a really great spout on it, etc. They purify not only reverse osmosis water, but also alkaline. Apparently, the alkaline in the water balances your body's natural pH levels, so your body doesn't get acidic. Many people with diseases (such as cancer), have very acidic pH balances. So...if this is one more added thing that can get me to a healthier state, I'm game.

AND IT TASTES SOOO PURE AND DELICIOUS! And, after the initial cost of buying a water jug and stand (less than $100), it is only $4 to fill up the 11.5L jug. That is the same, or less, than the yucky water I usually bought at the grocery store.


3. Kickboxing

I've realized that working out gives me such a high. I never really felt it to this extent before...well, maybe I did, but I have just FORGOTTEN what it was like!!!....but after kickboxing last night, I just felt like I could take on the WORLD.

I SWEAR the instructor was mad at someone cause he worked us til there was nothing left in any of us. It felt awesome, though. I was still sore yesterday in class from FRIDAY'S class, and yesterday was Monday. I have a feeling, as long as I keep pushing myself, I'm going to be sore the whole year. LOL

Oh well - I'd rather be sore from working out than sore from having bad joints, clogged arteries, and heart/kidney/liver problems!!! (Not that I have those, but they are inevitable if I were to continue to gain weight).


4. Music

I also booked my first singing show in Toronto in a LONG while. I haven't sung in a show for so long, I wonder if I'll remember how haha. Singing at weddings (which I do often) is very different because it's more of a "background voice creating a romantic atmosphere". But this...I will be front and center, focus on andrea. Scary! But exciting. It's February 18th. So I have awhile to work on it before then!


Friday I will let you all know what I am eating. A couple of people thought I was starving myself, but I am far from that. A hint: I am eating very natural foods, portion-controlled, lots of veggies and fruit, nothing processed, and no sugar.

Friday, also, will be another "weigh-in" moment of truth, so I will let you know how much I weigh on Friday. Hopefully I will be on track with my 2 pounds per week (or more would be great!).

xo - andrea